How to know when you meet the right man can be a question with many layers. The biggest mistake that I see women make in dating is not qualifying men or not qualifying them thoroughly enough. This can lead to wasted time, unnecessary heartache, and ultimately being in the wrong relationship.
Many women fall into the trap of feeling attraction and chemistry with a man, having sex, and mistaking that initial spark for lasting love.
They then become attached to men they haven’t thoroughly assessed. This can result in unrequited love, being in a wrong relationship, or even a wrong marriage.
This cycle is all too familiar for many women. They often wonder why it never seems to work out with any man. The key to breaking this pattern is to stop the chaos, protect your heart, and ensure that you choose the right man and relationship the next time around. This involves dating in a safe, smart, and effective way.
Instead of diving headfirst into a relationship based solely on attraction and chemistry, it is essential to qualify potential partners first.
This means taking the time to assess whether a man can meet your needs and align with your values before becoming emotionally invested.
Just because you feel attracted to someone doesn’t necessarily mean they are the right fit for you. By qualifying men early on, you can avoid getting attached to someone who isn’t worth your time and energy.
If you agree that qualifying men first is crucial for attracting the right partner, then it may be time to take this work further.
Here are some great questions to ask yourself after each date:
Things to consider when you meet the right man:
What aspects of myself did they evoke?
How did my body feel during the date – tense, at ease, or in between?
Is there something intriguing about them that piques my curiosity?
Did they make me laugh?
Do I feel more energized or drained compared to before the date?
Did I feel listened to and understood?
Was I drawn or attracted to their presence?
Did I feel engaged, bored, or somewhere in the middle?
Investing in yourself and your dating journey can lead to a greater sense of satisfaction in your love life.
If you’re ready to break the cycle of dating the wrong men, I invite you to schedule a free LovingText call with me. Together, we can explore your dating patterns, identify areas for growth, and create a plan for finding the love you deserve.
Don’t let past mistakes dictate your future relationships. Take control of your dating life and start on the path towards lasting love.
Some advice I give to many of my clients: stop settling for less! Fear of rejection, fear of vulnerability, fear of being alone paralyze us and prevent us from expressing our needs and desires in a relationship. We settle for less than we deserve because we fear rocking the boat and potentially losing the person we care about.
But here’s the thing… Stop settling for less. It will always lead to disappointment and heartache.
When we don’t communicate our expectations and settle for less than we desire, we set ourselves up for failure. We can’t expect the other person to read our minds or magically change their behavior if we don’t speak up.
So, how do we break this cycle of disappointment?
First and foremost, we need to work on our self-confidence. We need to believe that we deserve a partner who respects and values us. This means recognizing our own worth and not settling for someone who doesn’t prioritize our needs.
When we are confident in ourselves, we are more likely to express our expectations and advocate for what we want.
What not settling for less looks like:
My client, Sarah (name changed), is a successful career-oriented woman in her late 30s. Sarah has been dating John for six months and has been avoiding having a serious conversation about their future.
Through our coaching, sessions Sarah came to the conclusion that she was unsatisfied with how the relationship was progressing.
She feared that expressing her desire for a committed relationship would scare him away. She settled for casual dates and avoided discussing her expectations, hoping that he would eventually come around.
Throughout the sessions Sarah realized she had been sacrificing her own needs for the sake of keeping John in her life. She began to understand why she was so afraid of communicating what she wanted. She saw how the pattern of staying quiet was holding her back from having the type of relationship she wanted.
Her belief about what she deserved in love started to shift and her self-confidence increased. She now believes that she deserves a partner who is on the same page as her and values her.
For the first time, Sarah is willing to express herself and not hold back just because it feels uncomfortable. She is so committed to her own needs and desires that she is willing to rock the boat with John. Sarah’s new belief in herself allowed her to be vulnerable and open with John without worrying about the outcome.
This left her feeling more confident about being able to ask for and have the kind of relationship she desires.
Many of the women who come to work with me know that they need to set boundaries or have a pretty good idea of what they want in a partnership.
But, when it comes to communicating on a date or in their new relationship, they struggle. It can be incredibly uncomfortable to share what we are feeling or even believe that what we want is reasonable.
If you have held back from saying what you feel then I encourage you to schedule a LovingText. It’s time to stop settling for less.
During this complimentary call I’ll share practical tools and insights to help you shift your beliefs about love. I will also provide you with the exacts steps to move you towards having the relationship you want.
When it comes to dating and relationships, a key aspect many of us tend to overlook – is communication. Excellent communication with men is the cornerstone of any relationship.
This has been profoundly true in my personal love life. There have been many instances in my relationship where breakdowns in communication have led to ruptures that felt irreparable.
Proper communication is especially important when it comes to having a healthy, satisfying relationship. And you can’t have that without making sure your needs are met.
… Which is why the first step is understanding what emotional support you are looking for in a man.
If you’ve been feeling unsatisfied in your dating experiences or relationship, it’s likely not the first time you’ve felt this way.
It’s mostly likely a pattern that keeps repeating itself.
The need/desire for reassurance goes beyond romantic relationships and affects all your connections.
Does this hit home with you? It definitely did for me.
To break free from this cycle and bring yourself closer to the man you’re dating or in a relationship with, you need to apply effective communication strategies that support a healthy partnership.
Yep, that means you need to share your feelings fearlessly without playing games that push him away.
To steer clear of feeling disconnected and isolated, it’s crucial to grasp how to express yourself in a manner that nurtures understanding and connection.
Tips for improving communication with men:
-Prioritize authenticity by expressing your thoughts and feelings genuinely. I promise this is so attractive to men.
Instead of saying: “You never understand how I feel
Try: “I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately, and it would mean a lot to me if we could talk about it. Can we set aside some time for that?”
Instead of saying: “You never tell me what’s on your mind.”
Try: “I love when we have open conversations. Is there anything on your mind that you’d like to share with me?”
Instead of saying: “You never listen to me.”
Try: “I really need someone to talk to right now. Can you please take a moment to listen and share your thoughts?”
Instead of saying: “You’re always invading my space.”
Try: “I value my alone time, and it helps me recharge. Can we discuss how we can respect each other’s need for personal space?”
-Actively listen, choose the right moment when you need to talk (AKA not when he’s watching the game!) and appeal to his male mind by engaging in more solution-oriented talks.
-Practice mindful communication and always express your appreciation for the positive aspects of your relationship.
-Set healthy boundaries and never stop working on your emotional intelligence.
What else can you do?
If you’ve given these tips a try and are still struggling to communicate with men, you need my signature program, Confident in Love™. It’s designed to help you drop any baggage (hey, we all have it) and empower you in life and love.
In this program, I’ve dedicated a portion of it to help you steer clear of common communication mistakes that often cause men to withdraw and feel “scared off.”
So if you’ve ever asked questions like, “How do you feel about me?” or “Where’s this going?” and felt resistance, it’s time to make a change.
Discover the keys to communication that go beyond the casual and uncertain exchanges, paving the way for a deeply connected and committed relationship.
Learn how to make him feel that you are the one he should be deeply committed to.
Many people don’t actually know what men want from women. Someone who looks after them? Someone they look after? The truth is, men are actually “production junkies.” They thrive on the feeling of using up all their energy to produce something. It’s like an addiction for them, they can’t get enough of it.
Women, on the other hand, have a different approach. We have a cap on how much we want to produce in a certain amount of time. We then need a break to recharge, otherwise we’ll burn out. For men it’s not the same. They have an insatiable desire to keep producing and they feel good when their energy is being used up.
Here’s the thing though, what men really want is to make YOU happy.
What Men Want From Women:
Men love playing the role of provider and producer, even in small ways. They are addicted to fixing things and solving problems. And the biggest desire for them is to be with a woman who allows them to do things for her. A woman who is able to receive what they have to give.
Think about it: have you ever had a man insist on carrying something heavy for you, even when you technically could do it yourself? Or offer to fix something before you even asked? That’s not just him being polite—it’s how he bonds. He gets a dopamine hit from stepping up and being useful.
This is important for us to be aware of. We need to allow men to fully embrace that role and be that kind of man for us. We don’t unintentionally want to take away their favorite role! Because when we start taking over some of those responsibilities, we unintentionally push them away on a deep, unconscious level.
Men often won’t know if you’re over-functioning or doing more than what feels good to you. They assume that if you’re doing something, it’s because you want to do it.
Men do what they want to do all the time, so they think we do too. We worry that if we allow someone else to do something or us, they might see us as weak. That’s why so many women are afraid to let go of the doing and ask for help.
The Cost of Over-Functioning
I think one of the reasons why so many women, including myself, feel burnt out is because we’re constantly doing and doing. We’re going against what comes most naturally to us, which is receiving.
Real-Life Example: The Independent Woman Trap
A client of mine, Leanne, was dating a guy named Jake. She prided herself on being super independent—she had a great job, owned her own home, and never needed a man for anything. On dates, she insisted on splitting the bill, refused to let him help carry her groceries, and even fixed her own sink when it was leaking instead of letting Jake help.
Over time, Jake started pulling away. He still liked Leanne, but he didn’t feel necessary in her life. He didn’t know how to connect with her because she unknowingly shut down every opportunity for him to step in and be the man he wanted to be for her.
Leanne wasn’t doing anything “wrong.” She was just trying to prove she was capable. But what she didn’t realize was that by over-functioning, she wasn’t allowing Jake to show up for her.
Men often won’t know if you’re over-functioning or doing more than what feels good to you. They assume that if you’re doing something, it’s because you want to do it.
Men do what they want to do all the time, so they think we do too. We worry that if we allow someone else to do something for us, they might see us as weak. That’s why so many women are afraid to let go of the doing and ask for help.
I think one of the reasons why so many women, including myself, feel burnt out is because we’re constantly doing and doing. We’re going against what comes most natural to us, which is receiving. Production is the opposite of receiving. And many women end up taking on a lot of the masculine “doing” energy in the relationship. This can lead to underlying resentment. And let’s be honest, resentment is not the easiest thing to let go of.
Learning to Let Go
There have been numerous conversations over the years in which I’ve heard my partner say, “Why don’t you lean into me and let go? You can be feisty (proving that you can do it all) to everyone else, but you don’t have to be that way with me.” There was part of me that felt incredibly uncomfortable letting go of control. Even though I know this stuff and teach it, I had to practice being uncomfortable and expressing my needs. I had to learn to trust that this vulnerability would actually create a deeper connection in my relationship.
Acknowledgment & Appreciation: The Secret Sauce
What helped me start letting go and leaning into my relationship was knowing that acknowledgment and appreciation energize men. My holding back and doing everything prevented my partner from feeling good.
Have you ever noticed how a man lights up when you say, “Wow, I really appreciate that you took care of this for me”? It’s like watching a puppy get a treat—instant tail wag. Men want to support us, and they want to know that what they do makes us happy.
So, if you let a man know what feels good to you through acknowledgment, the right man will be more than happy to do it.
Example: The Coffee Test
Try this: next time a man does something for you—big or small—give him genuine appreciation.For example, if he brings you coffee in the morning, don’t just say “Thanks.” Instead, say, “Wow, I love that you did that for me. It makes me feel so taken care of.” Watch his reaction. He’ll probably look like he just won a gold medal. This isn’t about stroking egos—it’s about recognizing the natural dynamic of giving and receiving that makes relationships thrive.
The Key to Deep Connection
In any relationship, it takes time to build trust that this person will show up for you. But a man can’t show up for you if you don’t let him.
Now, this is not about turning a man into some sort of robot whose only purpose is to serve you. It’s about letting a man know all the things he does that make you happy and showing appreciation for him.
Here’s a little secret: men can’t fall in love when we’re constantly giving to them or trying to control everything.
They fall in love when they’re giving to us.
It’s when you demonstrate that you can allow a man to play his favorite role of provider that he feels the most connected to you.
The Experiment: Letting Him Show Up
If you want to be the most attractive woman in the world to a man, allow him to play that role.
Try this:
The next time you need something, instead of doing it yourself, ask a man for help. It can be as small as, “Hey, can you reach that for me?”
If he offers to do something—don’t resist it. Just say, “That would be amazing, thank you.”
When he does something kind for you, acknowledge it in a way that makes him feel the impact.
Trust me, men will flock to you when you learn how to do this. Give it a try and see what happens.
Ready to Attract the Love You Deserve? Let’s Talk!
If you’re tired of feeling like you have to do everything in relationships and want to shift into a dynamic where a man shows up for you—let’s chat! In a LovingText Call, we’ll dive into what’s been holding you back in dating and how you can start attracting the right kind of love with ease.
Imagine feeling cherished, adored, and effortlessly receiving the love you desire. It all starts with one conversation.
Have you been guilty of putting someone on a pedestal? (More specifically, someone that you’re dating.) Have you ever found yourself worrying whether you’re good enough for a guy you’re interested in? Maybe you analyze his every text, overthink what you say around him, or secretly worry that he’s out of your league.
Sound familary? You’re not alone.
Many women fall into the trap of putting men on a pedestal, especially when they really like someone. I know I did! For the longest time, I felt like I had to earn a man’s attention. I would overanalyze my texts, try to be “perfect” on dates, and make sure I didn’t do anything to mess it up. (Spoiler: trying to be perfect is exhausting and doesn’t actually work.)
When you constantly seek validation from a man, you unknowingly give away your power. It shifts the dating dynamic in a way that puts you in a weaker position. You end up:
Chasing his attention instead of receiving it effortlessly.
Waiting for him to choose you instead of being in the driver’s seat of your love life.
Accepting crumbs instead of experiencing the deep, mutual connection you truly want.
And here’s the kicker…
Men can sense when you lack confidence and power, which actually makes you less attractive to them.
Ouch, right?! That used to be so hard for me to hear. But once I really got it, my entire dating experience changed.
But What If You Flipped the Script? Is He Good Enough for You? (Putting Someone on a Pedestal)
Let’s change the narrative. Instead of wondering if you’re good enough for him, ask yourself: Is he good enough for YOU?
A high-value woman doesn’t spend her time trying to be chosen—she chooses who is worthy of her energy. And let me tell you, that energy shift is magnetic.
Think of it this way: If you were hiring someone for your dream business, would you beg them to work for you? No! You’d have clear standards, ask the right questions, and choose the best fit for you. So why not treat dating the same way?
When you truly own your worth, you:
Naturally exude confidence that is irresistible.
Stop settling for men who breadcrumb you.
Attract high-quality partners who treat you right.
And I know-
It sounds simple, and it can feel daunting to make this shift, but trust me, it’s worth it. When you approach dating with the mindset of knowing your own value, setting boundaries, and not being afraid to walk away from the wrong men, you’ll start attracting the right kind of guy –someone who treats you well, respects you, and loves you for who you are.
4 Questions to Help You Reclaim Your Power in Dating (Putting Someone on a Pedestal)
These are the questions I offer my clients to help them gain personal clarity as they navigate the dating scene. Be as honest as you can with yourself…
How does this person make me feel about myself? (Pedestal)
Do they lift me up and make me feel confident and valued, or do they bring me down and make me question my worth?
Are our values and goals aligned? (Pedestal)
Do we share similar beliefs, interests, and visions for the future?
Attraction is great, but if your core values don’t align, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
How do they communicate with me? (Pedestal)
Do they listen actively, communicate openly and honestly, and respect my thoughts and feelings?
Or do I feel like I have to decode their texts, chase their attention, or earn their affection
Can I be my authentic self around them?
Do I feel comfortable and accepted for who I truly am, without having to pretend or change to fit their expectations?
Or do I feel like I have to “perform” to keep their interest?
If you found yourself cringing at some of your answers, don’t worry—this is your wake-up call to shift your approach.
Take Back Your Power & Attract the Right Man (Putting Someone on a Pedestal)
It’s time to stop chasing men who don’t meet your standards and start attracting men who do.
When you stop over-giving and start receiving, the right man will step up. When you know your value, you won’t tolerate anything less than respect, effort, and consistency. And when you embrace your worth, you naturally attract the kind of love you deserve.
So, let me ask you: Are you ready to take back your power and start attracting the right kind of man into your life?
If you’re done playing small in dating and ready to step into your highest self—let’s talk! In a LoveText Call, we’ll uncover what’s been holding you back and map out a plan to attract the kind of man who sees your worth without you having to prove it.
It’s time to stop wondering if you’re good enough for him… and start making sure he’s good enough for you.
Part of dating is learning how to pick up on red flags in men. Some of this you learn from experience, but we can also learn from other people’s stories.
As a dating and love coach, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing countless women who understand the concepts I teach but struggle to implement them in their own lives. At least until they’ve done the inner work that allows them to integrate the concepts in their own lives. See if you can relate….
My client Julia (not her real name, of course) was seeking support after she found herself entangled with what I like to call an ”Immature Man.” This man, much like Peter Pan, had a tendency to avoid taking responsibility, especially when it came to emotional and financial commitments. Julia was initially smitten by his charm and attention, but soon she discovered she was on the path to heartbreak.
One of the first guidelines I emphasize in the Confidence in Love program is to only date available men. Unfortunately, Julia was involved with someone who was not only an Immature Man but was also not fully available.
I strongly advise women to only date men who are fully divorced. Separated men are often not ready for a committed relationship,. It takes time to recover from the end of a love relationship. When a person rushes into another relationship, it usually doesn’t work out because they haven’t taken the time to fully heal. The man Julia was dating wasn’t fully divorced. While he made her feel special at first, he was still navigating the end of his previous relationship. Because of this she never felt truly chosen.
This kind of behavior is a clear indication of a man with weak boundaries and codependency issues. It’s important to recognize that a solid, masculine man will have strong and clear boundaries. As a feminine woman, it’s essential to respect those boundaries.
It’s also important not to become involved with a passive man. Over time, Julia’s man became increasingly passive in the relationship despite initially indicating he was ready for a commitment. It’s important to steer clear of men who cannot take the lead and be proactive in the relationship. A strong, masculine man will step up and provide the support and stability you deserve.
The immature man is often less responsible financially. Or at least less willing to share in the financial responsibilities that arise when a couple enters into a relationship. It’s important to consider the way a man is with his money. Julia’s man was not financially reliable. He continued to support his family so wasn’t available to be an equal financial partner in their relationship. Shouldering the burden of the shared expenses left Julia feeling taken advantage of. A masculine man will take on the role of a provider and make his intentions clear from the start. Beware of men who talk a big game but fail to back it up with action.
Introducing your partner to your world and being introduced to theirs is an essential milestone in a relationship. Unfortunately, Julia’s man never introduced her to his family and children, despite dating for a year and a half. This lack of inclusion signaled a lack of commitment and investment in the relationship. Remember, you deserve someone who is willing to share their life with you fully.
Keeping your options open, I believe, is essential in the dating world. In the Confident in Love program, you’ll discover exactly how to do that so it feels authentic and genuine…no game-playing. Julia had other potential suitors in her circle, but she chose to focus solely on this man. By keeping your options open, you maintain your independence and avoid putting all your eggs in one basket prematurely.
In the Confident in Love program you’ll learn how to recognize if a man is using you. Being a provider for someone who showed no intention of reciprocating took a toll on Julia’s wellbeing. A solid, high-value man will cherish and appreciate you, rather than take advantage of your generosity.
Many of the women who come to work with me and join the Confident in Love community understand these concepts. However, they struggle to know how to implement them in actual situations. If you find yourself struggling to do too, remember that seeking support is never a sign of weakness. Don’t convince yourself that you’re the exception to the rule and risk walking the path of heartbreak.
Remember, you deserve a love that lifts you up and brings out the best in you. If you’re ready to take the next step towards finding your high-value man, don’t hesitate to reach out for support.
The secret to being magnetic in dating is easier than you think. You know that feeling when you’re walking down the street on a warm evening, your favorite song playing in your earbuds, and you just feel good? Like you’re in sync with life, effortlessly confident, and maybe even turning a few heads?
Or that moment when you’re laughing with your best friend over wine, fully present, feeling beautiful without even trying?
That’s what I call radiance.
It’s that delicious feeling of being comfortable in your own skin—relaxed, playful, fully alive, and open to life’s possibilities. And when you feel that way, guess what? Other people feel it too—especially men.
But let’s be real. That radiant energy? It often gets buried under endless to-do lists, late-night email marathons, and the low-key stress of having to hold everything together.
Most of us spend way more time in “go mode”—grinding at work, making plans, solving problems—than we do actually feeling good. And look, I’m all for ambition. But I also know that when I spend too many hours hunched over my laptop, living on caffeine, and forgetting to just breathe, I start to feel drained, dull, and disconnected.
And here’s the thing—if you feel that way, you can bet that’s the energy you’re putting out into the world too.
That’s why, when I coach women on how to attract amazing men, I don’t just focus on dating tactics. I focus on you—how you feel in your own body, how much fun you’re having in your life, and how deeply you allow yourself to enjoy the present moment.
Because when you feel good, you radiate it. And that kind of energy? Irresistible.
When Was the Last Time You Felt Like you Were Being Magnetic in Dating?
If it’s been a while, it’s time to bring it back. Not for a guy. Not for anyone else. But for you. Because you deserve to feel that way every single day.
And before you tell me, “But I don’t have time for that!”—I’m not talking about week-long spa retreats. Radiance isn’t about doing more. It’s about small, intentional shifts that bring you back to life.
Here are some simple ways to start being magnetic in dating starting today:
✅ Ditch the stress uniform. You know the one—messy bun, leggings you haven’t washed in a week, and that oversized hoodie that makes you feel blah. Try swapping it for something that makes you feel beautiful just for you. Even if it’s just lipstick on a random Tuesday.
✅ Move like you love yourself. Blast your favorite song and dance in your kitchen. Take a long, slow stretch before bed. Walk with your head up, shoulders back, and a little extra sway in your hips. (Trust me, it makes a difference.)
✅ Romance yourself. Light candles at dinner even if you’re eating alone. Buy yourself the flowers you keep waiting for someone else to get you. Wear perfume to bed just because you love the scent.
✅ Stop waiting for “someday.” Don’t save the fancy lingerie, the fun plans, or the good wine for a special occasion. You are the occasion.
✅ Do something that makes you laugh out loud. Not a polite chuckle—a real, ugly, snort-laugh. Watch that ridiculous sitcom, call your funniest friend, or let yourself be silly for no reason at all.
Being magnetic in dating isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. Feeling good. Letting yourself enjoy life instead of just getting through it.
And when you do? You won’t have to try to be magnetic. You just will be.
So tell me—what’s one small way you’re going to tap into your radiance this week?
Understanding and learning how to avoid getting stuck in the exhausting cycle of investing in someone who can’t (or won’t) emotionally invest back is what we are talking about today. Diving deep into what the concept of “emotionally unavailable men” entails.
Let’s set the scene: you’re on a third or fourth date, and things seem to be going well. He’s charming, funny, and let’s be honest—he looks really good in that jacket.
But something feels…off.
You’re sharing a story about that unforgettable solo trip to Italy, and instead of leaning in with curiosity, he offers a polite nod and pivots the conversation to his job. No follow-up questions, no spark of genuine interest—just a smooth redirect.
Or maybe you’ve been dating for a few months. Every time you try to explore feelings or talk about the future, he suddenly becomes “super busy at work,” or hits you with a vague, “Let’s not overthink things.”
Sound familiar? If so, you might be dealing with one of the most common dating roadblocks: emotionally unavailable men.
What Does “Emotionally Unavailable” Really Mean?
First things first: being emotionally unavailable doesn’t make someone a bad person. It means they’re not currently willing, ready, or able to form a deeper emotional connection. That might be because of:
Unresolved baggage from a past relationship
Fear of vulnerability
A desire to keep things casual
Limited emotional self-awareness
Whatever the root cause, emotionally unavailable men often leave you feeling confused, unfulfilled, or like you’re working overtime just to keep the spark alive.
Signs of Emotionally Unavailable Men
Spotting emotional unavailability early can save you weeks (or months) of second-guessing and heartbreak. Here are some telltale signs to look out for:
1. He Avoids Deep Conversations
If your attempts to talk about feelings, the future, or anything remotely vulnerable are met with avoidance or deflection, that’s your cue. A man who shuts down when you get real isn’t creating a safe space for connection.
Example: You say, “I really enjoy being with you and I’m curious how you see this evolving,” and he hits back with, “Let’s not rush things,” or “Why complicate it?”
Translation? He’s keeping it surface-level for a reason.
2. He’s Hot and Cold
One day, he’s planning dates and texting non-stop. The next? Radio silence. You’re left analyzing every message, wondering if you did something wrong.
This inconsistency is emotionally draining—and a huge red flag.
Example: After a romantic weekend getaway, he disappears for three days. When you ask, he casually says, “Oh, I was just slammed at work.”No one is that busy, babe.
3. He Focuses Mostly on Himself
Conversations tend to revolve around his life, his work, his problems. Emotionally unavailable men rarely express genuine interest in what lights you up, unless it relates back to them.
Example: You share a big win at work, and he responds by talking about his stressful day instead of celebrating with you.
You’ve been seeing each other for a while, but he hasn’t introduced you to his friends or hinted at making future plans. He might enjoy your company, but he’s not integrating you into his life.
Example: It’s been six months, and you haven’t met a single one of his people. Every time you bring it up, he shrugs and says, “It’s not a big deal.”If you feel like a secret, it’s probably because he’s not ready to let you in.
What Emotionally Unavailable Men Mean for You
Here’s where things get real.
Dating emotionally unavailable men can make you feel like you’re constantly auditioning for a relationship—proving your worth, holding back your own needs, hoping this time he’ll open up.
You might even start thinking:
If I just give him more time, he’ll come around.”
“Maybe I’m expecting too much too soon.”
“He’s been hurt before—I just need to show him I’m different.”
But here’s the truth: emotional unavailability is about him, not you. You deserve someone who’s not just physically present but emotionally available—ready to build, connect, and reciprocate.
How to Shift the Pattern
If this dynamic feels all too familiar, it’s time to pause and ask yourself a powerful question:
Why am I drawn to men who can’t fully meet me emotionally?
This isn’t about blame—it’s about curiosity and self-awareness. Many of us unconsciously repeat old patterns from childhood, past relationships, or deeply rooted beliefs about love and worth. That’s exactly the kind of work we dive into in my Confident in Love coaching program. Together, we identify the patterns that keep you stuck, build your self-trust, and help you attract the emotionally available love you truly deserve.
What You Can Do Right Now
If you suspect you’re dating an emotionally unavailable man, here are some steps you can take starting today:
1. Assess How You Feel
Are you anxious more often than not? Do you feel seen and valued, or like you’re walking on eggshells? Your emotional experience matters.
2. Express Yourself Clearly
If you feel safe, try communicating your needs. Say something like: “I’ve noticed we avoid deeper conversations, and I’d love to understand how you see this progressing.”
How he responds tells you everything.
3. Watch What He Does (Not Just What He Says)
Words can be sweet. Actions reveal truth. If he says he cares but consistently doesn’t show up emotionally—believe the behavior.
4. Put Yourself First
Protect your energy. Spend time with people who see and value you. Reconnect with your own goals, joy, and desires.
And most importantly—don’t settle for someone who makes you feel like you’re “too much” for wanting real connection.
Inside the Confident in Love Coaching Program
If you’re ready to stop the cycle of attracting emotionally unavailable men and start building relationships that feel secure, reciprocal, and soul-nourishing, this program is for you.
In Confident in Love, you’ll:
Identify and shift old relationship patterns
Learn how to spot red flags early
Build rock-solid self-worth and emotional clarity
Attract emotionally available partners with ease
We combine mindset work, emotional healing, and practical dating tools to help you become magnetic to the kind of love you’ve been craving.
The Bottom Line
Dating emotionally unavailable men can feel like hugging a cactus—equal parts painful and confusing. But you don’t have to stay stuck in that cycle.
You deserve a love that shows up for you. A love that sees you. A love that feels safe.
So if you’re ready to rewrite your love story, set powerful boundaries, and finally break free from the pull of emotionally unavailable men, let’s talk.
👉 Book your LoveText call today, and let’s explore whether Confident in Love is the right next step for you.
Because love isn’t meant to be a mystery. It’s meant to be mutual.
Conflict in dating. Is it healthy? This topic doesn’t always get a lot of attention with new relationships or when you’re in the dating scene.
When you’re just getting to know someone or building a connection, it’s easy to think, “If we argue, maybe we’re not right for each other.” But here’s the truth: conflict isn’t the enemy of a healthy relationship.
What truly matters is how you handle those moments of disconnect—the times when you feel misunderstood, hurt, or distant. These are called ruptures, and they happen in every relationship. What sets thriving relationships apart is the ability to repair after a rupture.
What Is Rupture and Repair?
Rupture happens when something disrupts the emotional connection between you and the person you’re dating. Maybe they didn’t respond to your text the way you hoped, or a playful comment hit the wrong nerve. It could even be as simple as feeling like they weren’t fully listening to you on your last date.
Repair is the process of closing that gap—of restoring trust and understanding. Without repair, small missteps can create doubt or emotional distance. But with repair, you build a strong foundation for a relationship that feels safe and secure.
How to Handle a Conflict in Dating (or rupture)
When you’re in the early stages of a relationship, repair doesn’t mean fixing every issue immediately. It’s about showing that you’re willing to communicate and prioritize the connection. Here’s how:
Pause Before Reacting If something feels off, take a moment to breathe and calm your emotions before addressing it. This keeps the conversation constructive, not heated.
Name What You’re Feeling Instead of shutting down or overthinking, try saying: “I felt a little hurt when you didn’t respond to my message earlier. Can we talk about it?”
Stay Curious, Not Defensive If they share how they’re feeling, resist the urge to explain or justify right away. Instead, say: “I can see how that might have come across. Thanks for telling me—how can I do better next time?”
Acknowledge Your Part If you realize you’ve contributed to the rupture, own it: “I think I overreacted earlier, and I’m sorry about that. I’m still learning to communicate what I need.”
Focus on Reconnection, Not Perfection Repair is about showing that you care and are willing to work through challenges together. Even small gestures like saying, “I value what we have, and I want to keep building this with you,” go a long way.
Why Repair Matters in Dating
When you navigate ruptures early on, you send a powerful message: “I’m here to build something real, not run at the first sign of trouble.”
Repair creates emotional safety, which is the foundation of a healthy relationship. It shows that you can handle challenges with grace and communicate openly. Over time, this strengthens trust and builds confidence that your connection can grow in a meaningful way and any conflict in dating can be resolved.
A Quick Example of Conflict in Dating
Imagine you’re on a date, and they accidentally interrupt you while you’re sharing something important. Instead of bottling up your feelings, you might say:
“When I was sharing that story, I felt like I wasn’t being heard. Can we slow down so I can finish?”
If they’re open and willing to repair, they might say:
“Wow, I didn’t realize I cut you off. I’m so sorry—I want to hear the rest of what you were saying.”
This simple exchange turns a potential rupture into an opportunity to deepen your connection.
Dating doesn’t have to feel like walking on eggshells, worried that one misstep will end things. Rupture and repair remind us that conflict is normal, and what truly matters is how we handle it.
So the next time something feels off, try to lean into repair instead of pulling away. These small conflicts in dating are moments of vulnerability that can lay the groundwork for a relationship that’s strong, secure, and built to last.
You deserve a connection that doesn’t just feel good in the moment but can stand the test of time.
Ready to create a love that feels secure, resilient, and built to last? Let’s talk about how you can bring more connection and ease into your dating life. Click here to book your Let’s Talk Love conversation and take the first step toward the relationship you truly deserve.
What You’ll Walk Away With:
Clarity on Your Dating Patterns: Understand what’s been holding you back and how to shift into a more empowered, authentic way of connecting.
Communication Strategies That Work: Learn how to express your needs and desires in ways that build trust and deepen connection.
A Plan to Attract the Right Partner: Get actionable steps to align your energy and approach with the love you truly want.
Confidence to Navigate Conflict: Discover how to handle tough conversations with grace, turning potential ruptures into opportunities for deeper intimacy.
Renewed Hope for Your Love Life: Walk away feeling inspired and excited about what’s possible for you in dating and relationships.
Struggling to move on? Let’s talk about how to stop obsessing over your ex with practical tips to break the cycle, heal emotionally, and regain control of your thoughts.
Whether your relationship lasted a decade, a few months, or just a handful of dates, moving on can be challenging. Time has passed—you’ve perhaps dated others, immersed yourself in work, travel, or self-care. You tell yourself you’re fine. But if you’re honest, something still lingers.
Maybe it was a painful breakup that shattered your trust. Perhaps you lost yourself in the relationship, bending over backward to keep it alive. Or you were blindsided when it ended, left to pick up the pieces of your self-worth. Maybe it was an unhealthy dynamic that drained you, yet part of you still holds on.
Even now, you might notice the ripple effects:
Struggling to fully trust or open your heart again.
Attracting the same type of emotionally unavailable partners.
Holding yourself back, afraid of repeating the past.
Deep down, wondering if love will ever fully choose you.
In my own experience, ending a long-term relationship took years, even though I knew it was no longer healthy. And if I’m honest, I still have moments that trigger me. I’ve caught myself wondering what he’s doing, checking to see if any mutual friends posted something that might give me a clue. wild, right?
But let’s be real—you’ve probably done something similar. Scrolling their social media, driving past their place, searching for some kind of reassurance or validation that you made the right decision.
Instead of closure, what do you get? An emotional rollercoaster of unpleasant feelings, followed by the exhausting process of re-regulating yourself back to normal.
Why Do We Obsess Over Our Ex or Past Relationships? (Stop Obsessing)
Before we learn how to stop obsessing over your ex, let’s figure out the why first. When we go through a breakup, our brains experience something eerily similar to withdrawal from addiction. Studies using fMRI scans have shown that romantic love activates the same dopamine pathways as substances like cocaine or nicotine. Your ex was literally your drug.
So when the relationship ends, your brain doesn’t just emotionally miss them—it chemically craves them. And what do we do when we’re craving something? We look for a hit—hence the social media stalking, the “accidental” drive-by, or the sudden urge to text them at 2 AM.
Here’s the kicker: every time you check their Instagram or wonder what they’re up to, you trigger dopamine anticipation—your brain expects a reward. But instead of satisfaction, what you often get is a stress response—a flood of cortisol (the stress hormone) when you see something that hurts, confuses, or triggers you.
And just like that, you’re on the breakup rollercoaster again:
Curiosity kicks in.Let me just check…
Anticipation builds.What if they miss me?
You see something upsetting.(They look fine without me?!)
Cortisol floods your system, triggering anxiety, sadness, or self-doubt.
You now have to regulate your emotions all over again.
Your brain remembers this cycle—so you’re more likely to do it again. It’s a literal feedback loop, which means it’s so easy to go back to obsessing over your ex.
Why Do We Want to Feel the Pain? (Stop Obsessing)
For many—including myself—there’s a deep, unconscious belief that I’m not enough or I’ll never find love again. Because of that, our subconscious minds seek out pain to validate what we already believe to be true.
So when you see your ex (or even the person you casually dated for a few months) moving on, it reinforces that narrative. It creates this twisted sense of certainty—because even though it hurts, at least it’s familiar.
Honestly, when I realized I was doing this, I thought, Damn, this is kind of messed up. But it also made sense.
On another level, revisiting the pain forces us to reprocess the breakup or ending—like we’re trying to double-check that we really made the right decision. It’s a survival instinct. Your brain wants to make sense of the loss, avoid repeating mistakes, and reassure you that you’re going to be okay.
Because fully letting go? That means stepping into the unknown. And that can feel even scarier than holding on.
If you’re stuck in this loop of obsessing over your ex, here are a few tools I’ve used (and my clients now swear by) to finally break free:
Interrupt the Habit – The next time you reach for your phone to check their profile, pause. Ask yourself: What am I actually looking for right now?
Rewire the Reward System – Instead of scrolling, swap the habit with something that gives you an instant dopamine boost (a workout, a favorite song, calling a friend).
Go No Contact (Seriously!) – Every interaction with their social media is like reopening a wound. If possible, mute, block, or delete for your own peace of mind.
Love Recoding: Give Your Brain Closure – Since the brain craves a “complete story,” consider a process called Love Recoding. It’s designed to help you release past relationship wounds—whether from heartbreak, betrayal, or unhealthy patterns—so they no longer block you from love.
Love Recoding uses neuroscience-backed techniques and deep energetic work to rewrite your love story on a mental, emotional, physical, and energetic level—so you can finally stop looking back and start moving forward.
This process has been one of the key tools I’ve used to help me release and heal.
At the end of the day, this isn’t just about willpower or even time—it’s about understanding that your brain is wired to want that hit. But just like any addiction, the less you feed it, the weaker the craving becomes.
By doing the inner work, you free yourself from the addiction, the triggers, and the endless spiral of questioning your decision.
If you’ve been feeling stuck in your love life or thought you were over someone—only to find yourself spiraling again—you’re not alone. And you don’t have to stay in this cycle.
This is exactly why I offer Love Recoding—an intensive designed to help you release past relationship wounds, rewire your brain’s attachment patterns, and finally break free from the emotional loops that keep you stuck.
If that sounds like something you’d be interested in, let’s talk! I look forward to hearing about where you’re at in your journey and how I can help.
